Your New Home Life
Adjusting, Adapting, Engaging
People do a lot to prepare for having a new baby. There are baby products to buy, professionals of all kinds to hire, resources to connect with, and education to access. One aspect that often gets overlooked amidst decorating a nursery and making a birth plan is preparing for how home life will accommodate the transition phase of the fourth trimester when babies can be pretty consuming. Here are some things to consider when planning for adjusting to life with your newborn...
-What tasks are essential to my happiness?
What needs to be done for you to feel comfortable at home? What tasks can be done less often? What tasks can be postponed until you feel better adjusted?
-Of these tasks, what am I comfortable letting others do?
Have a to-do list for others who come visit. Include instructions, if necessary. If things need to be very specific, have instruction sheets that people can choose from. Label cabinets and drawers if it helps. Try to include as many tasks from question one on this list as possible.
-What helps me function when I am tired, sore, sick, or grumpy?
Be prepared to be recovering physically, adjusting emotionally, and mentally taxed. Have things around that will help you function, be present, and enjoy this time as much as possible. This may be good snacks, recordings of your favorite show, reading material, plenty of distractions for an older sibling, setting up a situation with a lot of privacy or a lot of visitors (whichever will help you), comfortable clothing, or the perfect spot on the couch to rest. Be willing to make temporary compromises in level of activity that you might not normally.
-How will we keep my current family connected?
Try to take a moment to connect with and focus on each member of your household at least once a day. This means a moment one-on-one with each older sibling as well as a moment oneon-one with your partner. Taking literally 5 minutes each day to sit without distractions and look each other in the eye can make a big difference in sustaining a relationship. One technique that works well for many families is to sit face to face and name a certain number (1-3 is usual) of things you appreciate about the other person, then chat or just sit in intimate silence. Planning time to vent and process together emotionally is usually a good idea too.
-How will I remember my priorities once the baby is here?
It's easy to get swept away in the details of having a new baby at home. It's important to set yourself up to remember that this time is short. Most details of life, including rules about what is the “right” way to parent and the priorities of other people, can wait. You will only have this time with your newborn baby for a matter of weeks. Your job is to bond with your baby, establish breastfeeding, heal from childbirth, support your partner, facilitate bonding with siblings; to parent. It is not to entertain, to clean, or to share the baby with the world. What will help you keep your focus on being present with your new baby?
Ultimately, remember that this is a temporary period that is meant to be taken slowly and cherished. Make space in your home and life for that energy and the newborn transition will go much smoother.
Jessica Altemara