More About Me
Learn my origin story, my passions, my achievements, and my thoughts on how babies should be fed.
So, tell me more about yourself…
People often wish to know more about me and I’m a pretty open book, so usually pretty happy to share. I thought I’d put a bit of that into writing, for those who are curious but not ready to ask directly. It’s always hard to know how to answer the question, “So, tell me more about yourself.” Most every person has many layers to themselves. What is someone actually interested in when they ask a question like that? Well, one can only guess, but here is my best shot at what others might find interesting. I do tend to have a lot to say about most anything…
〰️ NICU BABY
〰️ NIPPLE PAIN
〰️ FUSSY BABY
〰️ TONGUE TIE
〰️ BREAST REFUSAL
〰️ LOW SUPPLY
〰️ MENTAL HEALTH
〰️ INEQUITY
〰️ NICU BABY 〰️ NIPPLE PAIN 〰️ FUSSY BABY 〰️ TONGUE TIE 〰️ BREAST REFUSAL 〰️ LOW SUPPLY 〰️ MENTAL HEALTH 〰️ INEQUITY
(Not into reading this novella? You might prefer the TLDR version. )
I have been in lactation since 2003 and have been an IBCLC since 2009. My passion for supporting families with finding bliss in feeding their babies was born from my own personal experience. To be completely honest, when I was pregnant for the first time, I didn’t think I cared that much about if I breastfed or formula fed. In fact, I was actually very concerned that I would hate breastfeeding. The whole idea of it kind of made my skin crawl. Fortunately, even though there was some pain when we first started, it did not feel as “gross” as I worried that it would. In fact, it turned out that I had big feelings about being successful with nursing my baby. I was shocked to find that it felt deeply personal and I was very emotional about figuring it out. Even though I’d been around birth and breastfeeding my whole life because my mother worked in that realm, I was blindsided and overwhelmed by how heart rending it was. Most of those early days are a blur of exhaustion, confusion, physical discomfort and feeling depleted -coupled with small moments of connection, joy, and empowerment. I often felt unseen, like more of a vessel than a person. I felt groundless and foggy, unable to find the space or bandwidth to process my own experiences amidst the whirl of everything being very baby-centric. It turns out that much of what I experienced was extremely common and, at the same time, I was SO much more supported and empowered than I realized .
When I had my first baby in 2002 I didn’t think much about needing to prepare for breastfeeding. I figured we would just breastfeed, since that was a basic human function that had been happening for about as long as there have been humans. While a bit more intimidating of a process, I felt mostly the same about birth, too. Well, things most certainly were not that simple! His birth was filled with complications, even though my pregnancy had not been. After about 48 hours of working to bring him into this world (which felt more like just trying to get him out of my body!) he finally arrived, but needed a lot of medical care. I had significant recovery, for myself, as well. He ended up in the NICU and I ended up balancing my physical needs with my deep desire to be there with him all of the time. I did, however, have a lot of knowledge around me, when it came to supporting my goal to breastfeed my baby. The hospital staff, themselves, did little to nothing to educate, equip, or empower me. In fact, it seemed in many ways to be quite the opposite. We advocated for steps to protect long term goals of breastfeeding while the NICU staff was solely focused on short term goals of other needs and it felt very quickly like a power struggle. However, my mother who was there every step of the way had been a labor and delivery nurse, childbirth instructor, and doula in the same place. She was good friends with the hospital IBCLC on staff (there was only one!) who was more than happy to help however she could. It was because of my personal connections and resources that I knew how to establish and maintain my milk supply for the 10 days he was in the NICU and through outside help that I had any clue about what to do when I was finally able to bring him home. The hospital insisted that he start with bottles before “allowing” him to latch at all. This might have proven to be a huge setback in my feeding goals if it weren’t for privileges that I had at every turn.
By the time I brought my baby home we were exclusively breastfeeding. I did not realize at the time that it was only because of the support that I had that this was true. From there, I found people everywhere were sharing their stories with me. It was mostly trauma dumping, to be honest. I would often sit and nurse him on a bench at the front of the grocery store while his father checked out and paid for groceries. This became an experience over and over where a complete stranger would sit down next to me and tell me about how they wanted to breastfeed their babies, but …enter story about why that didn’t work out. It was sometimes people with babies themselves but at least as often someone telling me a story from 15 or 20 years ago. It was clear that people’s experiences with how feeding their babies went really stuck with them. As I became connected with a community of moms who were also passionate about these things I grew more educated about all the misinformation there is out there and how much the right support mattered in how people felt about the experience. I found myself increasingly angry and frustrated, hearing from person after person who had legitimate grief about their breastfeeding experiences, who would have been able to reach their goals if they’d been given accurate information and even decent support. It was at this point that I decided that I was either going to continue to be frustrated or become a lactation consultant and DO something about it. So, I began to explore pathways to start helping others.
The next couple years found me becoming a La Leche League Leader, birth doula, and postpartum doula. I learned so much about what would have made a difference in how my own child’s birth had gone. I learned nuances about supporting others with breastfeeding and gained a deep well of skills for increasingly clinical levels of lactation care. By the time I had my second baby 2.7 years later I was sure I was ready for anything! I felt that I could prevent most problems and solve anything that came up. I had created an amazing community of like minded, educated people who would support all my physical need and hold space for my emotional needs. I had found my village. I planned a birth at a freestanding birth center, which involved driving 90 minutes for all prenatal care (with a toddler in tow) as well as making that same drive back and forth for his birth.
My second birth experience was a complete 180 from my first. It was everything I hoped it would be. I will never forget the difference it made to be seen and heard and feel like I was treated like part of the team through midwifery care. I was 43 weeks pregnant by the time I started the 24 hours of labor that it took, but I felt great because everything was very carefully tracked and monitored to make sure we were both safe while things unfolded as they needed to. Breastfeeding, however, was much much harder than I could have dreamed. When he latched it hurt so much that I would shake and ask my husband to rub my feet or do anything to distract me from the pain. I started to associate my baby with pain. I hesitated to hold him because it might make him want to nurse and I desperately did not want to do so any more than necessary. He was fussy and uncomfortable, as well, so he wanted to nurse a lot. My baby was gaining weight wonderfully, but this did not feel like success, even though his doctor said it was. We ended up at a breastfeeding conference when he was 6 weeks old. If I’d known that we’d still be deeply struggling at that time I would never have pre-paid a lot of money for that conference! But it was meant to be. It was in a session that I never intended to attend that I connected with one of the few people who was knowledgeable about tongue ties and breastfeeding at that time. This was 2005 and tongue ties were not being talked about like they are now. She was generous with her time and knowledge and sat with me in the midst of this conference to help me understand what we needed to be truly successful with breastfeeding.
The challenges that I had with feeding my second baby were some of the most humbling experiences that I have had. In truth, I went into it with a lot of ego. I thought there was a “right” way to feed a baby and that anyone who was really committed could breastfeed. I thought that anyone who was willing to try hard enough could make enough milk. Boy, was I wrong! I needed to be humbled to be able to serve others well. And I most certainly was.
By the time I had my third baby in 2007, 2 years after the second, I understood that I needed to be adaptive and figure out what was right for him as an individual. I experienced him refusing to latch for a period of time and really came to understand that experience. I became committed to understanding how to support people in overcoming that challenge! Toward the end of my pregnancy I started learning about how baby’s nervous systems and brains work and how skin to skin contact (for more than just the first hour) makes a game changing difference. I dove into normal infant behavior and needs. I saw how this understanding helped me enjoy my baby in a way I never had, as well as overcome breast refusal. I learned that milk supply is not straightforward and that appearances can be deceiving. I leaned into the idea that we have to read baby’s accurately and address feeding challenges in an individualized way. When he was just 5 weeks old I attended another big breastfeeding and parenting conference where I made some mind blowing connections in every possible way. I became a nervous system nerd and started speaking publicly.
From there, I connected with the small community of other professionals who were exploring tongue ties and breastfeeding, to better help others. I started to see how complex these issues could be. I became passionate about improving care and knowledge on this subject. I got involved in the development of an international, multidisciplinary tongue tie organization and started teaching other professionals about the topic. Through these connections with people from many, many backgrounds, I learned that babies really do breastfeed with their whole bodies and that oral function matters for life, not just for breastfeeding. I gained a real understanding that, even when we know there’s a tongue tie, there is a lot of nuance to how that should be handled and that even just being sure a baby has a tongue tie can take some time.
I finally achieved my goal of getting my IBCLC certification in 2009, 6 years after starting the process. That was one of the most challenging things I’ve ever done! I remain proud to hold this credential. It stands out from any other lactation related certification in the US, for how rigorous and involved the process is. It required 500 hours of clinical experience and countless hours of education, as well as a 6 hours long testing process, at the time. Maintaining it has called for hundreds of hours of continuing education and ongoing clinical practice.
I’m also so proud of the international tongue tie organization that I’ve been part of from the beginning. ICAP (the International Consortium of oral Ankylofrenula Professionals) has blossomed in recent years. I’ve spoken at every international conference ICAP has had and was elected by the membership to be on the Board of Directors from 2023 to 2026, where I have had leadership roles like Vice Chair of the Board, Conference Chair for 2 International conferences, and Chair of Membership. There are members from 6 continents and countless fields. It now has a scientific affairs committee that is contributing tremendously to advancing research and establishing professional protocols. ICAP has become an organization heavily involved in education of professionals from all around the world as well as a source of best practices and evidence based care. We’ve worked to help the world know that it’s important for professionals from all fields involved to work together to improve care, to understand the nuances of diagnosing, and to support whole families in a holistic way both before and after treatment. It is an area of deep passion for me.
It was at the first international tongue tie conference that I conceived of a model for an integrative tongue tie clinic that includes holistic support from all angles described in a best practice scenario. That model is currently being used by dentists all over the United States. With this model I am head of infant feeding for the North Carolina Tongue Tie Clinic in Cary NC. The majority of my practice is one on one support to families, but providing my community this exceptional resource is something in which I take great joy. Some other dentists in the area have even adopted my model! We frequently welcome other professionals, including lactation consultants, to visit, collaborate, and build out support networks beyond the clinic itself. I aim, always, for a sense of community, not competition.
Another aspect of clinical lactation care about which I am passionate is optimizing milk supply. In 2012 I had my fourth, and final, baby. During this time I learned so much about the impact that struggles with milk supply can have. It’s so personal and emotional. Approaches for dealing with it can feel dehumanizing and judgmental. They’re also often superficial. I saw that there were gaps in evaluating for the hormonal aspects of low milk supply and developed a hormone testing protocol, about which I have spoken around the world. This is a constantly evolving project that I have hopes will revolutionize how professionals are working to find deeper solutions for optimizing milk supply for struggling parents. I have found myself helping people with understanding what their lab work means, as far as what is effecting milk supply, around the world. I’m so happy to be able to expand ways to help people on that journey. Breastfeeding, and success with it, is entirely how the person doing it defines success. No one else gets a say in that. I now understand that bottle feeding can also be a beautiful, connecting, and whole experience.
I’ve also seen that not everyone is able to get access to IBCLCs and that many people who want to become IBCLCs struggle to do, especially in certain areas or populations. I think every baby and all parents deserve access to optimal clinical lactation care. Because of this, I have gotten involved with NLCA’s Center for Lactation Equity, which is working hard to improve access to IBCLCs in the United States. It is part of working toward having every family get its needs met and I think that’s really important. I recognize how much has been given to me and done for me and I want to use that to lift others up. I also want fervently to be a safe space for every single person I work with whether that is a client or a student I’m mentoring.
Ultimately, I am first and foremost a mother of 4. I take the most joy in my time with my children and in watching them become (and be) amazing humans. I have been so humbled by them. I have learned from them that success as a parent looks many, many ways. There is no one right way to parent or feed a baby or be a partner or a friend. What matters is that, when we want to support someone else well, we make it about THEM. I am passionate about meeting people where they are, without taking anything personally, and without judgement. As a neurodiverse person, I understand deeply that meeting the challenges of parenthood calls for grace toward each other and ourselves. I understand how personal the journey of parenthood is. I’m also a nerd who hyperfixates on topics and dives down rabbit holes of learning. This is not always great time management for me, but absolutely serves my clients and my community. Sometimes our most challenging traits are also our biggest strengths.
I absolutely love the role I have in the lives parents with their new baby and honor the trust, vulnerability, and weight of that responsibility. I think finding joy as a parent is about resilience and adaptivity, not being perfect, getting the grind, or submitting to discomfort. There are many beautiful ways to feed a baby. The single most important thing I want my clients to experience is joy and connection. I want to help them find how to nourish their babies physically in a way that increases joy and connection mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. That’s all it really comes down to.
